He was loud. He was overbearing. I could barely ask my questions.  I was near tears when the conversation was over. My experience with Pastor Kamil Solomon marks the first time that I had a difficult interviewee.

He was supposed to provide the anti-Muslim view for my trend story about Islamophobia in America. After reviewing his website, filled with hateful remarks, I thought that I could get a few quick quotes to demonstrate the attitude of Americans who contribute to the trend.

However, it was not the things he was saying that left an impression. My father is Muslim, but I am so removed from that part of my religious background. My only tie to it is my connection to a distant father.

The issue was that I was unprepared. It was like the interview was happening to me. I was not in charge. I have never had an interviewee that did not wait to hear the next question. When I asked him to explain his views, his only defense was that “Kamil can prove it.”

After he rambled about Islam being a terrible religion and “more like a cult,” I tried to redirect him. I asked him to explain terms that are commonly thrown around, like jihad. He told me that this was “the Muslims’ way of spreading their religion.” He portrayed Muslims as a group determined to convert the entire world through any means.

Then, he strangely compared their beliefs to the goals of Evangelism in Christianity. He must have gotten confused because Evangelism is supposed to be a positive practice in which Christians spread the gospel.

Nevertheless, I allowed him to unload for 40 minutes. Once he paused, I tried to end the conversation. He repeatedly reminded me to explore his church’s website. Then, he said that I could call later for more.

Before hanging up, he said, “Tell them that Kamil said Muslims could be the best people in the world if they did not follow the Quran.”

Although I felt like the worst reporter in the world after the interview, I was excited about getting so many quotes.

I went to my next lecture, and when I returned the inbox of my email account was filled with at least 20 messages from Solomon.

In boldface, red print he wrote, “DO NO publish our phone conversion.” He threatened to take legal action against my paper and me if our talk was published. I panicked.

After several conversations with John Kupetz and Roger Boye, I felt reassured. They reminded me that an interviewee cannot retract their statements once they have given them to me. I was safe from legal action, but Solomon had gotten to me.

I do not want future cherubs to take my situation lightly. It has sadly become something that we joke about this summer. It hurts me though.

As I tried to include the quotes that he had given me, I felt sick. I realized that they had no meaning. There was no reason to include all of the horrible things that he said because they defeated my purpose.

I wanted to raise awareness about prejudice that exists in America even though people are constantly shouting empty claims of liberty and justice for all. Spreading the words through publication felt more offensive than the words themselves.

This was my first real exercise in journalistic responsibility. Although I am younger than Pastor Solomon, I had to act more wisely. I could not bring myself to print his words just to prove that I got them.

When my instructor Cory Smith returned my first draft, he praised the inclusion of the comments. For the first time I was not happy to get a compliment from him.

I know that it is not my fault that some people can throw around slurs without remorse. I hate that I have to include his words to demonstrate my point. Maybe my sensitivity makes me a bad journalist, but it makes me a good person.

Jenny Hontz once told us in an ethics class that sometimes journalism comes down to deciding when you are a human and when you are a journalist. I guess I am more human than journalist, but at least no one will have to suffer more for a story that was meant to help them.