Cherubs get a tan on a day at the beach.

Watching the sunlight shimmer on Lake Michigan makes waking up in the morning almost fun.  I am from central Iowa, where large beautiful bodies of water are sparse. So the Northwestern beaches are paradise to me. 

One Saturday, a group of girls all decided to take a break from our trend stories and spend the afternoon tanning on the beach.  We walked to the beach by a Northwestern athletic facility because we thought we would not have to pay there.  When we arrived, we were met with some disturbing news.  Unless we had a counselor with us, we could not use our NHSI identification cards for entrance to the beach.  Apparently the government will allow me to operate a two ton vehicle at 60 mph, but at 17-years-old, I was not allowed to go to the beach unsupervised.

After arguing with the woman for a few minutes, we decided to call Roger Boye.  We wanted to see if the new rule was legit. Predictably, Roger had never heard of the rule. We all cursed the lifeguards before giving up and paying $7 to get in. We really wanted to go to the beach and nothing was going to stop us.

Not long after we arrived a group of music cherubs arrived. They were all laughing about how sly they felt because they lied to the woman at the front desk and told her their counselor was already at the beach.  The woman believed this lie and let them in without paying. They were all impressed with themselves and laughed at the people who had paid.  Sadly, karma was not on their side that day. They had their entire conversation right in front of the lifeguard stand. The lifeguard heard all of it and used her walkie-talkie to tell the person at the front desk that she had been tricked. Five minutes later a short male lifeguard arrived and demanded to talk to their counselor. When the music cherubs could not produce a counselor, the lifeguard kicked them out. 

This event alone would barely be blog worthy, but something much more interesting happened that afternoon. Sometime just past 3:30 p.m., three men decided to go for a swim. We didn’t notice this until the lifeguard started blowing her whistle at them. The men had gone all the way past the buoys and were swimming in open water. They were so far out that boats were passing them. It was pretty dangerous but they didn’t seem to care. The lifeguard began blowing her whistle louder but it was a cheap whistle.The men probably couldn’t hear it. As the lifeguard watched them swim farther and farther out, she became distressed. She called another lifeguard over and they took turns blowing their whistles and waving their arms.

At this point, the beach-goer would realize that blowing a whistle was not going to get these three people to come back in. Sadly, these lifeguards had spent a little too much time in the sun, so they just kept on going. They didn’t get in the water. They didn’t swim out to the people. They didn’t even leave the beach. 

Finally, the second female lifeguard decided maybe she should do her job. She took off her shorts and T-shirt and ran across the beach Baywatch style. I thought that she would dive into the water and start swimming after the people, but she did not. Instead she walked slowly into the water, still waving her arms wildly and blowing her whistle. It was at this point that I decided that I never wanted to swim in Lake Michigan again. A little bit of my paradise was ruined because this woman, a lifeguard, refused to get wet. I would not trust her with saving my life. 

As she waded out, the male lifeguard ran up carrying a yellow surfboard. This made perfect sense to me.  He was going to surf out to the people to get their attention. No, again I was wrong. He gave the surfboard to the girl lifeguard and she paddled out into the lake. This way she could still be perceived at doing her job while still not getting wet. 

Just then a boat skimmed across the water towards the three swimmers. One of the lifeguards was driving it and he reached the three swimmers in less than a minute. Everyone on the beach watched as he talked to the swimmers and they climbed into the boat. If you’re worried, don’t be. The lifeguard in the boat did not, in any way, get wet. He drove the boat back to shore and the three people got out. The men, all wearing Speedos that left nothing to the imagination, walked across the beach, laughing to themselves. I admit that it was pretty funny. It was the most eventful non-rescue I have ever seen on a beach. While I don’t plan on swimming at that beach again, the event did provide entertainment. I get the feeling the lifeguards were not amused.